the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
