I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
