i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
