I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Text me some of your sweat
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