You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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