WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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