i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
