I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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