why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
