You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize