how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
