So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
