Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
