update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
