The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
