That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
