Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
