I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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