oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
