I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
