Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
