White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he just fucked me for my cheese.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
