She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
