I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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