thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
