so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
my liver is dry heaving
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
