Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I want her autograph on my taint
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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