google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
