the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
