it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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