You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
