No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
