Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We're too hungover to prance.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
