Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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