The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
