Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
