You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
