you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
