oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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