I will die if light touches me.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
