yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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