when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
