sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
