Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
pray to the hookup gods
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
