So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
