Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
