Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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