i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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