do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
