I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
