So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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