Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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