I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
