sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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