My boss' voice literally gives me gas
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
