He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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