You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
