he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
