Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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