That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
