no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
