Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
