I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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