I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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