remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
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If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
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I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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